I dunno why I'm only inspired to write when something bad happens. Jus came back from a funeral. Uncle Kwok, my ex-neighbour and close fren of the family who kinda watch me grow up passed away suddenly. I couldn't believe it when my dad called me and told me to look at the orbituary to make sure. I wouldn't believe it until I saw the photo. A pilot, a healthy man jus left like that. I always remember his signature greetings whenever he sees us, "hello hello!" and his hearty laughter where you can hear it practically ten yards away. Always a cheerful man. A great man who loves his family and generous to his frens, whom I simply can't think anything bad of. A man worthy of my utmost respect and worthy of my tears and grieve. Aunt Lilian (the wife) seemed strong from afar but when mum and I got close to her, she whispered my name, "Jolene..." and all 3 of us jus hugged and broke down in tears. In the end, Aunt Lilian had to console me instead of me doing the other way round. "Don't cry anymore, Uncle Kwok doesn't like it." I'm such a weakling......
So many bad things have been happening ard me since the year started, and I wonder when are all these shit ever gonna stop. I don't need constant reminders that people are leaving (even Bret) me, hurting me or even making use of me. Its sick and I couldn't take it. Whenever I picked myself up things starts coming back to me or new BAD things happens. In return, injecting new BAD thoughts and old hurtful memories. Putting me down again and again.
Life is really too short. Its fragile. Big giants like us can be killed by a tiny mosquito, thats how fragile we are.
For now, who can be in more grieve than Aunt Lilian and her daughter? Who am I to complain about life being cruel or unfair to me? I need to look at life in a bigger picture really, take a step back. Sometimes I just choose to see only that little spot and magnify the whole thing blinding myself. I look back at times and of course thinking to myself with buckets of regrets, "What the hell was that for?!". Which, is what I'm doing now as well and I'm sure you guys do sometimes.
I'm gonna just enjoy life now. Learn to appreciate the little pleasures and the worthy people. Not clinging on to what I lost or not have, but to what is in my hands. To smile when there are happy memories and to brush them away if it hurts. Like memories of my little Bret.
As a friend, I urge not only myself but you as well.
It's time to wake up. You dunno what you have and you dunno what you had.
Life is too short to live in pain.
Hello Hello! Uncle Kwok, the Seah Family hereby salutes you.
"A man of great heights and humility, who once graced our lives with his generous heart and resonant laughters. Always Always Remembered."
