I suddenly thought about the time when I was a kid. I was a really quiet girl. It’s hard for those who know me now to imagine how autistic I was. In Primary 1, I remember always having lunch alone with no friends at all every recess with my Dearest Grandad. Who! Is one of the sweetest people to me. He would wait for me every recess and make sure that a hot bowl of noodles is waiting for me. This lasted for about a year. Then I befriend a girl called Wen Qing, who went on to be my best friend during the same year. We would always chat on the phone with childish conversations, telling each other ridiculously imaginative jokes. My Grandma couldn’t stand it, she would practically nag till I hung up. Wen Qing has this really smart cousin who was in the same class as us and I started hanging out with her gang. This bunch of smart kids…. I would just stick behind them hoping to make some new friends and getting some recognition. I felt a little extra, a little like a tiny servant. I really couldn’t connect with them. And I think they don’t see me as part of them too.
Primary 4 came, where there’s streaming and the smart ones were “deported”. I was in the last class since Primary 2. Weird, I didn’t do exactly bad, so were my classmates. I wonder how they segregate us. Anyway, at Primary 4 this boy was seated next to me. And I think God somehow took pity on me for my 3 antagonizing years, cos this boy next to me is extremely talkative. He’s a 100% chatterbox, and this chatterbox (Name: Guo Hui) opened the sealed box (me) next to him. Since then, for the whole year, I have no idea how many times have we both been punished for talking in class. But he somehow saved me, I opened up and made lots of new friends, mingled alot and eventually had my own gang of 7 which we lasted till Sec 1. It was kinda cool. Cos though there are only 5 left now, we still meet up whenever we can and still… the chattering doesn’t stop. I just attended 1 of the girl’s wedding last Sunday. She is the one with the most kiddish look amongst us and she got on the boat first. Weird is life.
We are grown ups now, topics are different, lives are lived differently, even our height ranks are different now (I use to be one of the shortest, use to be means not anymore), but it’s a wonderful thing that we can still hang out. It’s a good feeling.
So what’s my point of writing this? I’m not sure myself. Haha… I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is amazingly unpredictable. You may be stuck in the mud now but somehow someone or something may just give you hand. You may be high up on the top of the mountain at the moment but someone or something may just give you a hard push at the back.
We can never be in the same situation forever; it’s just a matter of time. Lets all embrace change. :)
Cheers.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Growing Old Is Inevitable, Growing Up Is Optional
Another year has passed un-noticingly. All I can say is “Wow.”
It really sucks to know that I’m 27 next year. The bell in my head keeps going “Dang! You’re old. Dang! You’re old.” I don’t even act like a 25, not to talk about joining the 27s’ club. I still laugh like a dork and weep like a new widow as I indulge myself in TV all day long, I’m mesmerized by fairytale-like movies such as “Enchanted” (I hummed the song till I fell asleep after the movie), I still look forward to the thrill rides in Universal Studio, I will still want a PSP for my birthday, I’m like an energizer battery when it comes to fun. BUT, I have to be a mature thinking adult aside all that because it is an inevitable fact that I am someone reaching 30.
So… what makes me an adult that meets the requirements of a 27?
Well, let’s see… I do have a stable job with a nice name such as “Executive” but my salary certainly doesn’t meet the mark. I have a stable income with some savings but I can afford no credit card. I contribute to the Family allowance but it’s just enough for my Mum to spend it on 4D (Haha… It’s her long term hobby). I have life experiences but no personal love experience. I give friends adequate advices but I spout nonsensical jokes too. I solve problems with a cool head but fumble at times with new ones. I mingle well with people but I can’t connect well with the top management level.
So… On the surface I do meet the requirements. Hmmm… If growing up is indeed optional, I would really rather not. But face it, we do. Growing up isn’t all bad I guess. In this society, growing up is a way to protect ourselves. With life experiences (painful or not), we are able to avoid from being hurt or deceived. We become wiser after each. If we ain’t wiser, I wouldn’t say we are stupid to not understand or know the consequences of certain decisions. We are just stubborn. Stubborn till we are roughened up, knowing that we can no longer stick to what we thought was the way, we switch paths. Simple as that. And so we toughen up and continue to brave through life. That is really the way of life isn’t it? Otherwise, end it, which I wouldn’t call that life anymore cos it wasn’t cherished.
Conclusion: I’ll just be playing with Barbie when I want to (hmm… I never do play with Barbie, I go for He-Man) and be Lois Lane when I have to. Hey… Growing up is indeed optional!
It really sucks to know that I’m 27 next year. The bell in my head keeps going “Dang! You’re old. Dang! You’re old.” I don’t even act like a 25, not to talk about joining the 27s’ club. I still laugh like a dork and weep like a new widow as I indulge myself in TV all day long, I’m mesmerized by fairytale-like movies such as “Enchanted” (I hummed the song till I fell asleep after the movie), I still look forward to the thrill rides in Universal Studio, I will still want a PSP for my birthday, I’m like an energizer battery when it comes to fun. BUT, I have to be a mature thinking adult aside all that because it is an inevitable fact that I am someone reaching 30.
So… what makes me an adult that meets the requirements of a 27?
Well, let’s see… I do have a stable job with a nice name such as “Executive” but my salary certainly doesn’t meet the mark. I have a stable income with some savings but I can afford no credit card. I contribute to the Family allowance but it’s just enough for my Mum to spend it on 4D (Haha… It’s her long term hobby). I have life experiences but no personal love experience. I give friends adequate advices but I spout nonsensical jokes too. I solve problems with a cool head but fumble at times with new ones. I mingle well with people but I can’t connect well with the top management level.
So… On the surface I do meet the requirements. Hmmm… If growing up is indeed optional, I would really rather not. But face it, we do. Growing up isn’t all bad I guess. In this society, growing up is a way to protect ourselves. With life experiences (painful or not), we are able to avoid from being hurt or deceived. We become wiser after each. If we ain’t wiser, I wouldn’t say we are stupid to not understand or know the consequences of certain decisions. We are just stubborn. Stubborn till we are roughened up, knowing that we can no longer stick to what we thought was the way, we switch paths. Simple as that. And so we toughen up and continue to brave through life. That is really the way of life isn’t it? Otherwise, end it, which I wouldn’t call that life anymore cos it wasn’t cherished.
Conclusion: I’ll just be playing with Barbie when I want to (hmm… I never do play with Barbie, I go for He-Man) and be Lois Lane when I have to. Hey… Growing up is indeed optional!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Shanghai Blues the Musical
Finally!! It's here! I have worked my ass off for this project people! Support Me!!! Ticket opens 1 Nov 07.
Enjoy the MV.
For clearer view,
you can go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZIg2vCNxVI
Performance on 8 & 9 Feb 2008 at Esplanade Theatre. Show ur fren (Me!!!!) ur utmost support. I promise a fantastic show.
I can organize and we can all watch together. A form of gathering? I look forward to that. Should be fun. Call me if ya interested. Dun make me make you. You get what mean... Hohoho!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
What Do You See?
My Dad sms me today, "Why don't you change job?". I wasn't exactly shocked but I was kinda taken by surprise. Cos it really came out of the blue, we were discussing about our Man U victory before that. I know he's worried about my future. Honestly, I am too. After we hung up, I told Brother about me worrying that I dunno where to go or what I can do if I leave this current one (this has been my worrying prob which I have already discussed with a few frens). He just casually said "Have...IR lah." This answer really gave me a hard knock on the head.
How can I forget?!! This is in fact the very reason why I took up this current job. Its an indescribable feeling. I was so engrossed in the downside of things, the problems in front of me that I forgot my initial goal which was actually beyond all this. I had forsaken the vision I had for these short term elements in my face. How can I forget... I still can't figure it out. But I really have to thank Bro for this unintentional reminder. My goal may change along the way, the circumstances may one day not even allow me to achieve my goal. But at least, at this very moment it is what I want and I am going to work towards it, one way or another.
Given the above situation, I somehow see the same rational with relationships. It works the same way. As you are in a relationship, problems start to occur, temptations are all around and you tend to forget why you fell in love at the first place. All because you are too focus on what's in front of you. You spent all your time and energy to solve or enjoy the NOW, that you leave behind the past which was at first suppose to be your future. So many failed relationships I heard, and its the kind that are like close to marriage?? When you think of marriage and make plans on it, technically... doesn't it mean that you want to spend the rest of your lives together? So how come just by an email, a sms and it's over. They don't even want to see you and say a proper goodbye. It scares the hell outta me. It just simply potrays a picture of how fragile a relationship is. The word "love" is really too easy, too convenient and too cheap in this era.
What's love man. There's no definition to it already, it's like water, it fills in watever situation you want it to be in. No definite shape. I'm not saying everything leads to a "forever", but its really so easily disposable.
Now whenever I hear which ever fren is in a realationship, I'll be really happy for him/her. At the same time, I'll somehow kip my fingers crossed and hope for a happy ending. But even that, not even a teeny weeny of shock if I ever hear bad news about it. It''ll be like, its just another failed relationship.... So what?
How can I forget?!! This is in fact the very reason why I took up this current job. Its an indescribable feeling. I was so engrossed in the downside of things, the problems in front of me that I forgot my initial goal which was actually beyond all this. I had forsaken the vision I had for these short term elements in my face. How can I forget... I still can't figure it out. But I really have to thank Bro for this unintentional reminder. My goal may change along the way, the circumstances may one day not even allow me to achieve my goal. But at least, at this very moment it is what I want and I am going to work towards it, one way or another.
Given the above situation, I somehow see the same rational with relationships. It works the same way. As you are in a relationship, problems start to occur, temptations are all around and you tend to forget why you fell in love at the first place. All because you are too focus on what's in front of you. You spent all your time and energy to solve or enjoy the NOW, that you leave behind the past which was at first suppose to be your future. So many failed relationships I heard, and its the kind that are like close to marriage?? When you think of marriage and make plans on it, technically... doesn't it mean that you want to spend the rest of your lives together? So how come just by an email, a sms and it's over. They don't even want to see you and say a proper goodbye. It scares the hell outta me. It just simply potrays a picture of how fragile a relationship is. The word "love" is really too easy, too convenient and too cheap in this era.
What's love man. There's no definition to it already, it's like water, it fills in watever situation you want it to be in. No definite shape. I'm not saying everything leads to a "forever", but its really so easily disposable.
Now whenever I hear which ever fren is in a realationship, I'll be really happy for him/her. At the same time, I'll somehow kip my fingers crossed and hope for a happy ending. But even that, not even a teeny weeny of shock if I ever hear bad news about it. It''ll be like, its just another failed relationship.... So what?
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Blabber 2
After my blabbering post below, I decided to lie on my bed and think about the good things of my job.
1) I can wear casual. Jeans and Tees. My fav. Alot of jeolous people out there.
2) It's convenient. Chinatown! 1 direct train ride of only 25mins! More jeolous people!
3) Cheap & Good Food! Wah lan! Its everywhere!
4) Not much politics. I mean... Well.... Only 4 people in the office, that includes the GM and the
directors are often not in. Si mi politics to talk about?
5) The satisfaction after the completion of an assignment. Photoshoot, Press Con, Stage
Performance! Though efforts and time spent may sometimes not be paid off. But whee.... The
relief and the "I've done it!" kinda feeling. Sensational.
6) The wide circle of people I meet. Celebrities, the powerful, the rich, the poor, the bastards,
the bitches and many many more. You can't get that at just any job.
7) Celebrities gossips. It's funny how things that are none of my fucking business can actually perk work up a little. Lots of juicy juicy news indeed.
8) Invitation to parties, events, movies, etc... Free goodies, Free Food, Free alcohol... I'll slap whoever that says they wouldn't want that.
Sometimes I feel it's really amazing how a small company like us can pull off great, big shows. We are small in size, but big in the industry. We are definitely moving on to bigger things, bigger than what we have done, bigger than anyone would have ever imagined. I should really be patient. Wait and See...
Once again, I'm doing it. Self-Psycho: "I love my job. I love my job! I Loooooooove my Job!!!"
There! I'm back in love.
*Fingers Crossed* Please help me get through 24th Oct smoothly. Please Please Please?
1) I can wear casual. Jeans and Tees. My fav. Alot of jeolous people out there.
2) It's convenient. Chinatown! 1 direct train ride of only 25mins! More jeolous people!
3) Cheap & Good Food! Wah lan! Its everywhere!
4) Not much politics. I mean... Well.... Only 4 people in the office, that includes the GM and the
directors are often not in. Si mi politics to talk about?
5) The satisfaction after the completion of an assignment. Photoshoot, Press Con, Stage
Performance! Though efforts and time spent may sometimes not be paid off. But whee.... The
relief and the "I've done it!" kinda feeling. Sensational.
6) The wide circle of people I meet. Celebrities, the powerful, the rich, the poor, the bastards,
the bitches and many many more. You can't get that at just any job.
7) Celebrities gossips. It's funny how things that are none of my fucking business can actually perk work up a little. Lots of juicy juicy news indeed.
8) Invitation to parties, events, movies, etc... Free goodies, Free Food, Free alcohol... I'll slap whoever that says they wouldn't want that.
Sometimes I feel it's really amazing how a small company like us can pull off great, big shows. We are small in size, but big in the industry. We are definitely moving on to bigger things, bigger than what we have done, bigger than anyone would have ever imagined. I should really be patient. Wait and See...
Once again, I'm doing it. Self-Psycho: "I love my job. I love my job! I Loooooooove my Job!!!"
There! I'm back in love.
*Fingers Crossed* Please help me get through 24th Oct smoothly. Please Please Please?
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Blabber
A new post but 2 months have actually pass. I can't exactly recall what I have been doing during this period. I often wonder to myself. What am I working for? Easy to say, it's money. But sad to say it's purely for money as well. Why doesn't interest last? I mean I was at first rather excited with my job and the people I meet and all that. But after some time, I start to wonder, am I suitable for this job? Can I eventually find a job that really satisfies me? Am I not good enough? We are constantly living in expectations. Your parents expect you to succeed in life. Your Boss expects results. Your partner expects more love. And you, expect more time for yourself.
Is it just me? Or are there many others alike out there? Meeting up with friends and chatting about life, helped me realise... There are indeed many unhappy people in this country. But why?
We have a secured environment, we live in prosperity, we have comfortable homes.... so... what exactly is missing? I can't put my finger to it. I just can't. So am I happy? At times... yea.. Especially weekends I'm sure. Am I unhappy? Not all the time... So am I just not satisfied with life or Am I unhappy? Can these 2 be seperated? Cos theres the saying thats goes, if you are satisfied with what you have then you'll be happy. So what exactly satisfies us?
I wonder.... I really wonder... forgive my million questions and blabbering. I think I'm in stone mode. I need to find my rhythm which I think I somehow lost it long ago....
I have learnt not to expect anything from anybody. For Expectations come dissappointments, Non-expectancy comes surprises.
In the end, I just want a simple life.... Thats too much to expect from this tiny country.
Is it just me? Or are there many others alike out there? Meeting up with friends and chatting about life, helped me realise... There are indeed many unhappy people in this country. But why?
We have a secured environment, we live in prosperity, we have comfortable homes.... so... what exactly is missing? I can't put my finger to it. I just can't. So am I happy? At times... yea.. Especially weekends I'm sure. Am I unhappy? Not all the time... So am I just not satisfied with life or Am I unhappy? Can these 2 be seperated? Cos theres the saying thats goes, if you are satisfied with what you have then you'll be happy. So what exactly satisfies us?
I wonder.... I really wonder... forgive my million questions and blabbering. I think I'm in stone mode. I need to find my rhythm which I think I somehow lost it long ago....
I have learnt not to expect anything from anybody. For Expectations come dissappointments, Non-expectancy comes surprises.
In the end, I just want a simple life.... Thats too much to expect from this tiny country.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I have something serious to tell you.
While Bryan and I are engrossed with work in the office, the company’s accountant E suddenly stood up and walk to our desks. (Note: The following conversation is in stuttered, unclear Mandarin)
E: “I have something serious to tell you all, but just dun be too startled lah.”
In the mean time……
Running thru My mind: “Shit! Boss on holidays so no salary?! We cannot claim petty cash?!” Yup, for me, its all about the money.
Running thru
Back to the Scene
E: “I have this male friend who is pestering me and I want to say that I’m not gay. He really scare me leh, now I dare not go out wif guys.”
Immediate Reaction…
Jo: “Wah! U have something serious to tell us and it’s this?”
Jo: “How you know your friend’s gay?”
E: “He suddenly became very possessive, asking where I am and asking me why I’m avoiding him. My friends say he must be gay.”
At this point, I really wanna puke. Not because of the GAY thing but because it’s from him. And when he says his ‘friends’, I’m thinking of a bunch of geeks sitting around a table.
I just wanna say that we are both in shock cos we never tot anyone would fall for him and not to say men.
Jo: “Chey… I tot u wanna tok about work or what. You are gay or not its your personal
E: “No lah, I just wanna let you all know that I’m not gay. (laughs) Cos I now very
scared of going out wif guys.”
Jo and Bryan: Rolls eyes, turns back to com. *pukes*
MSN Bitching between Jo and Bryan starts.
Jo: "Wah lan….. Mus be Karma due to all the gay jokes we are poking fun at him with. Especially you."
The END.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Empty.
I’m really blogging much lesser these days. One reason of course, I’m lazy. Secondly, I think I’m having mind blocks. As in no idea what to write about. Think my everyday life, besides work, ain’t that exciting after all. All too subtle…. I am indeed ‘fan jian’ ( I don’t know what you call that in English). I am indeed Human. I guess we are all looking for some form of indulgence in most part of our lives. And most of the time, we indulge in the wrong things and to worsen it, we somehow subconsciously enjoy the pain. Hmm… weird. But so human. And so, now, having nothing to indulge in…. Life is DULL…… Which! Makes me kind of lost in thoughts and drives me a little crazy. Third reason, my computer is moving like a god damn Pentium 1, and having my patience running real short these days, I simply give up on it. The last reason, I’m into this
Nope, I’m not gonna tell you the title of this serial, cos if I do, imaginations run wild. LOL. Or is it running wild already?
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The Salute
I dunno why I'm only inspired to write when something bad happens. Jus came back from a funeral. Uncle Kwok, my ex-neighbour and close fren of the family who kinda watch me grow up passed away suddenly. I couldn't believe it when my dad called me and told me to look at the orbituary to make sure. I wouldn't believe it until I saw the photo. A pilot, a healthy man jus left like that. I always remember his signature greetings whenever he sees us, "hello hello!" and his hearty laughter where you can hear it practically ten yards away. Always a cheerful man. A great man who loves his family and generous to his frens, whom I simply can't think anything bad of. A man worthy of my utmost respect and worthy of my tears and grieve. Aunt Lilian (the wife) seemed strong from afar but when mum and I got close to her, she whispered my name, "Jolene..." and all 3 of us jus hugged and broke down in tears. In the end, Aunt Lilian had to console me instead of me doing the other way round. "Don't cry anymore, Uncle Kwok doesn't like it." I'm such a weakling......
So many bad things have been happening ard me since the year started, and I wonder when are all these shit ever gonna stop. I don't need constant reminders that people are leaving (even Bret) me, hurting me or even making use of me. Its sick and I couldn't take it. Whenever I picked myself up things starts coming back to me or new BAD things happens. In return, injecting new BAD thoughts and old hurtful memories. Putting me down again and again.
Life is really too short. Its fragile. Big giants like us can be killed by a tiny mosquito, thats how fragile we are.
For now, who can be in more grieve than Aunt Lilian and her daughter? Who am I to complain about life being cruel or unfair to me? I need to look at life in a bigger picture really, take a step back. Sometimes I just choose to see only that little spot and magnify the whole thing blinding myself. I look back at times and of course thinking to myself with buckets of regrets, "What the hell was that for?!". Which, is what I'm doing now as well and I'm sure you guys do sometimes.
I'm gonna just enjoy life now. Learn to appreciate the little pleasures and the worthy people. Not clinging on to what I lost or not have, but to what is in my hands. To smile when there are happy memories and to brush them away if it hurts. Like memories of my little Bret.
As a friend, I urge not only myself but you as well.
It's time to wake up. You dunno what you have and you dunno what you had.
Life is too short to live in pain.
Hello Hello! Uncle Kwok, the Seah Family hereby salutes you.
"A man of great heights and humility, who once graced our lives with his generous heart and resonant laughters. Always Always Remembered."
So many bad things have been happening ard me since the year started, and I wonder when are all these shit ever gonna stop. I don't need constant reminders that people are leaving (even Bret) me, hurting me or even making use of me. Its sick and I couldn't take it. Whenever I picked myself up things starts coming back to me or new BAD things happens. In return, injecting new BAD thoughts and old hurtful memories. Putting me down again and again.
Life is really too short. Its fragile. Big giants like us can be killed by a tiny mosquito, thats how fragile we are.
For now, who can be in more grieve than Aunt Lilian and her daughter? Who am I to complain about life being cruel or unfair to me? I need to look at life in a bigger picture really, take a step back. Sometimes I just choose to see only that little spot and magnify the whole thing blinding myself. I look back at times and of course thinking to myself with buckets of regrets, "What the hell was that for?!". Which, is what I'm doing now as well and I'm sure you guys do sometimes.
I'm gonna just enjoy life now. Learn to appreciate the little pleasures and the worthy people. Not clinging on to what I lost or not have, but to what is in my hands. To smile when there are happy memories and to brush them away if it hurts. Like memories of my little Bret.
As a friend, I urge not only myself but you as well.
It's time to wake up. You dunno what you have and you dunno what you had.
Life is too short to live in pain.
Hello Hello! Uncle Kwok, the Seah Family hereby salutes you.
"A man of great heights and humility, who once graced our lives with his generous heart and resonant laughters. Always Always Remembered."
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Lil Star by Kelis
there is nothing special about me
i am just a lil star
if it seems like i'm shining brightly
it's probably a reflection of something you already are
i forget about myself sometime
when there's so many other around
when deep inside you feels darkest
that is where i can always be found
that is where i can always be found
that is where i can always be found
just keep trying and trying
it's just a matter of timing
though the grinding is tiring
don't let 'em stop you from smiling
just keep trying and trying
sooner or later you'll find it
it's surprising how inspiring
it is to see you shining
cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me
there is nothing special about me
i am just a lil star
if you try to reach out an touch me
you'll see i'm not really that far
i may not be the brightest nor am i the last one you’ll see
but as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
everything’s just fine with me
everything’s just fine with me
just keep trying and trying
it's just a matter of timing
though the grinding is tiring
don't let 'em stop you from smiling
just keep trying and trying
sooner or later you'll find it
it's surprising how inspiring
it is to see you shining
cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me
there is nothing special about me
i am just a lil star
i’ve been running and jumping, but barely
getting, getting over the bar
i plan on being much more than i, am but that's in do time
but until then i'm guilty, and being humans my crime
being human that is my crime
being human that is my crime
just keep trying and trying
it's just a matter of timing
though the grinding is tiring
don't let 'em stop you from smiling
just keep trying and trying
sooner of later you'll find it
it's surprising how inspiring
it is to see you shining
cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me
i am just a lil star
if it seems like i'm shining brightly
it's probably a reflection of something you already are
i forget about myself sometime
when there's so many other around
when deep inside you feels darkest
that is where i can always be found
that is where i can always be found
that is where i can always be found
just keep trying and trying
it's just a matter of timing
though the grinding is tiring
don't let 'em stop you from smiling
just keep trying and trying
sooner or later you'll find it
it's surprising how inspiring
it is to see you shining
cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me
there is nothing special about me
i am just a lil star
if you try to reach out an touch me
you'll see i'm not really that far
i may not be the brightest nor am i the last one you’ll see
but as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
everything’s just fine with me
everything’s just fine with me
just keep trying and trying
it's just a matter of timing
though the grinding is tiring
don't let 'em stop you from smiling
just keep trying and trying
sooner or later you'll find it
it's surprising how inspiring
it is to see you shining
cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me
there is nothing special about me
i am just a lil star
i’ve been running and jumping, but barely
getting, getting over the bar
i plan on being much more than i, am but that's in do time
but until then i'm guilty, and being humans my crime
being human that is my crime
being human that is my crime
just keep trying and trying
it's just a matter of timing
though the grinding is tiring
don't let 'em stop you from smiling
just keep trying and trying
sooner of later you'll find it
it's surprising how inspiring
it is to see you shining
cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me
Monday, April 16, 2007
10 Times Busier, 100 Times Tougher But Feeling 1000 Times Better
I hereby declare I LOVE my job.
No, not because of the free booze at the 251 post party last night where I blabbered so much rubbish which made my colleague said this before i left work today, "I have to adjust to your new postural". What does he even mean by that? I said the same thing back cos he also blabbered many Hmm.... Ok, anyway, I love my job Just simply because it makes me feel good. Though at the start of the week (Today) I already listed down like 20 things with deadlines I have to meet. Damn.
Of course there are shitty times at work, but well, if there ain't no shit, it ain't no work. Overall, I just think of the good times more than the bad. Though I just successfully finished the trailer shoot, cast meeting and workshop over the weekend (which are only small parts of the project), the tiny sense of achievement is enough to keep me going. I was the assistant producer who coordinated the whole shoot, the coolie who helped moved props, the relief Director when the actual one has to leave for something urgent and the FOH staff who gives out free goodies of condoms and feminine wash to audience. And When I'm back in the office, I'm a Programs Executive fighting for sponsors. Wow. Its quite an experience for 2 half months aint it?
Especially after both post parties of 251 and TITOUDAO, it just tells me how good one will feel whenever a project is over. The satisfaction, it just overcomes and the rest are forgotten. Everything's just sweet after the bitter, and the bond I see in this big family is just fantastic. Nobody is left out and all are sincerely appreciated, though.... they may not be rewarded. I don't think you can get much of this anywhere else. Not at my last workplace at least. People are not even treated equally, we were purely just slaves of those who ARE also our slaves.
Though I suffer from ultimate stress, I kip fighting to meet deadlines and I miss them too, I had sleepless nights over work, my low confidence bugs me at times, I have to work loads of OT once in a while and I'm not being paid for that, even my weekends may be gone, the pay is rather minimal but still, I hope I'll be confirmed by the end of the month. Its my last trial month, I'm actually worried I wun get this! Can you believe it???!!! Ewwww..... I'm really a working adult already.
I still do my best to enjoy myself as much as I can though. Talking nonsensical stuff and do silly things with RobRob & Siong Siong , play the pool/tennis, catcha movie, curse at soccer matches, club only every 3 months now (excludes social party please, ak hem... its work.), blah blah blah. I appreciate RobRob & Siong Siong whom I spend almost every weekend with. I guess most probably cos we are all single and enjoythe company of idiots (as I always say... I'm a kid at heart). Cos you know, once people are attached they tend to neglect and forget about their friends. You know.... People like ..... Taitai.... haha! I bet she'll be tagging to claim her innocence later.
I am a Proud Kidult!
No, not because of the free booze at the 251 post party last night where I blabbered so much rubbish which made my colleague said this before i left work today, "I have to adjust to your new postural". What does he even mean by that? I said the same thing back cos he also blabbered many Hmm.... Ok, anyway, I love my job Just simply because it makes me feel good. Though at the start of the week (Today) I already listed down like 20 things with deadlines I have to meet. Damn.
Of course there are shitty times at work, but well, if there ain't no shit, it ain't no work. Overall, I just think of the good times more than the bad. Though I just successfully finished the trailer shoot, cast meeting and workshop over the weekend (which are only small parts of the project), the tiny sense of achievement is enough to keep me going. I was the assistant producer who coordinated the whole shoot, the coolie who helped moved props, the relief Director when the actual one has to leave for something urgent and the FOH staff who gives out free goodies of condoms and feminine wash to audience. And When I'm back in the office, I'm a Programs Executive fighting for sponsors. Wow. Its quite an experience for 2 half months aint it?
Especially after both post parties of 251 and TITOUDAO, it just tells me how good one will feel whenever a project is over. The satisfaction, it just overcomes and the rest are forgotten. Everything's just sweet after the bitter, and the bond I see in this big family is just fantastic. Nobody is left out and all are sincerely appreciated, though.... they may not be rewarded. I don't think you can get much of this anywhere else. Not at my last workplace at least. People are not even treated equally, we were purely just slaves of those who ARE also our slaves.
Though I suffer from ultimate stress, I kip fighting to meet deadlines and I miss them too, I had sleepless nights over work, my low confidence bugs me at times, I have to work loads of OT once in a while and I'm not being paid for that, even my weekends may be gone, the pay is rather minimal but still, I hope I'll be confirmed by the end of the month. Its my last trial month, I'm actually worried I wun get this! Can you believe it???!!! Ewwww..... I'm really a working adult already.
I still do my best to enjoy myself as much as I can though. Talking nonsensical stuff and do silly things with RobRob & Siong Siong , play the pool/tennis, catcha movie, curse at soccer matches, club only every 3 months now (excludes social party please, ak hem... its work.), blah blah blah. I appreciate RobRob & Siong Siong whom I spend almost every weekend with. I guess most probably cos we are all single and enjoythe company of idiots (as I always say... I'm a kid at heart). Cos you know, once people are attached they tend to neglect and forget about their friends. You know.... People like ..... Taitai.... haha! I bet she'll be tagging to claim her innocence later.
I am a Proud Kidult!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Fame or Shame
Uh-huh. Yes. We are doing a play on Annabel Chong's life. Of cos the first thing that hits you is SEX. I mean, yeah. What else can u think about when this familiar name rings the bell. The most common response that I got when I informed anyone about this latest project, "What?! You mean you guys are gonna replay her having real sex with 251 men on stage???". Duh..... Wah lau! You think the Government will allow that mehz? Kaoz.... And theres like 14 shows, if Cynthia Lee really does that, hmmm.......lemme see...
251 men x 14 shows = 3514 times of sex. IF she really does that, no one would remember Annabel Chong, but Cynthia Lee instead for the many years to come. She'll be the one in the Guiness book of records.
There were many many negative and angry critics when we dare Singapore that we're gonna do this. "They are just riding on her to make money." "What if Annabel Chong is your daughter?? Will you do this to her??!" "Why bring back something so shameful on Singaporeans?" blah blah blah.
All I want to say is Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! So what if we are doing this?! I mean, honestly, No matter how we wanna pretend that it didn't happen, it did. So why don't we all just drop all the hypocrisy of nope, we are not interested in sex and try to learn something from here heh. Something worth exploiting rather than just condemning.
I had the first glimpse of the run last week. I must admit its daring, its hot but its much more than these. Theres much anger and imbalance, many doubts that we are curious but not having the balls to question. Its Life. Especially this generation, whereby we have more problems mentally and physically than anything else. Story of a girl from a disciplined family suppressing herself, when she chose to let go she was cruelly rejected by an appearance humans chose to false but yearns to be. She continued being the nice little girl while pursuing her studies in England but was once against unleashed by something unexpectedly unfortunate. And she snapped. Away from where she had always wanted to leave. And to how she wanted to live with a new identity. In the end, shes back to where she once thought was not what she wanted. Back in the box but in a different environment. She fights hard now to abandon the once adopted identity.
We often start pointing fingers before seeing the reason behind whatever happened. Or should I say, we choose not to know. Cos its always easier to blame I guess. We were taught that its safer to stay in the formula than to step out of it.
And now.... I present to you.
251 - Inspired by the story of Annabel Chong.
If you're 18 & above, plus curiosity is tapping on your shoulders. Watch it!
If you think its disgusting. Beat it. Don't waste either of our time.
Life doesn't only revolve around Sex. And so is this play.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Circus Circus
After almost 2 months of being a "zou bo", I finally ended with a job just 2 weeks before CNY. I must say i'm god-damn lucky. Cos I got to 'Siam' the "arrows" which I definitely will get WHEN I meet my relatives IF I'm still jobless. At least for now, when they ask, "What you doing now?". I can say, "I'm working in a theatre productions company", blah blah blah.... The most common answer I got was ,"oh.... Sounds very interesting..". I'll follow with the flash of my set of teeth. The biggest grin. I don't even mind announcing that though a Programs Executive, I'm actually doing "sai gan". Well, I got a job. Thats the whole point.
I have always knew that the entertainment circle is very complicated. I spent almost my whole life reading gossip columns, how can I not know right? [Really think I can make a really great entertainment news show host] Anyway, though where I work ain't exactly THE entertainment industry, the job scope and tons of work with different genre. The people revolving is close enough. I'm somewhat confused by them once in a while. Was having lunch with a colleague of mine, and she suddenly announce that shes not straight. I'm like ok..... Smile, listen, Smile. I mean thats all I can do ain't it? Your second day of work, people oready tell you her whole lesbby story. I have no qualms about the 'crooked' issues at all. How can I be? Its year 2000+ liao leh. Then she revealed theres a couple of the same sex in my office. Ok.... Smile wears off a little. [which now I find it rather amusing... The way these 2 call out to each other, its kinda cute actually.] Then she starts revealing more, who is straight, who's not, who is doing what, Who is with who. Wah lau, Butches are still women lor. They jus like to bitch. Anyway, It ended up with me saying, "why don't you just list down who's not straight?!". Its definitely juicier than who is right? Though there were some jaw dropping names, but its all jus hear-say. I'll jus take it as I know a new gossip medium, yummy.....
Imagine this scenerio.
I was doing my research on all the artistes in Singapore. I divided them into 2 categories, 'Male', 'Female'.
When I was on the Female group, Female colleague shouts, "wah.. so many pretty girls. I want to see! I want to see!".
When I was at the Male Group, Male Colleague went, "oh... So handsome...." Points to one, "Who's that?! So cute".
You tell me, Confusing or not?!
I mus be in the Circus.
END
Na bei. Whats with my tagboard?!
I have always knew that the entertainment circle is very complicated. I spent almost my whole life reading gossip columns, how can I not know right? [Really think I can make a really great entertainment news show host] Anyway, though where I work ain't exactly THE entertainment industry, the job scope and tons of work with different genre. The people revolving is close enough. I'm somewhat confused by them once in a while. Was having lunch with a colleague of mine, and she suddenly announce that shes not straight. I'm like ok..... Smile, listen, Smile. I mean thats all I can do ain't it? Your second day of work, people oready tell you her whole lesbby story. I have no qualms about the 'crooked' issues at all. How can I be? Its year 2000+ liao leh. Then she revealed theres a couple of the same sex in my office. Ok.... Smile wears off a little. [which now I find it rather amusing... The way these 2 call out to each other, its kinda cute actually.] Then she starts revealing more, who is straight, who's not, who is doing what, Who is with who. Wah lau, Butches are still women lor. They jus like to bitch. Anyway, It ended up with me saying, "why don't you just list down who's not straight?!". Its definitely juicier than who is right? Though there were some jaw dropping names, but its all jus hear-say. I'll jus take it as I know a new gossip medium, yummy.....
Imagine this scenerio.
I was doing my research on all the artistes in Singapore. I divided them into 2 categories, 'Male', 'Female'.
When I was on the Female group, Female colleague shouts, "wah.. so many pretty girls. I want to see! I want to see!".
When I was at the Male Group, Male Colleague went, "oh... So handsome...." Points to one, "Who's that?! So cute".
You tell me, Confusing or not?!
I mus be in the Circus.
END
Na bei. Whats with my tagboard?!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Goodbye Bret... Goodbye....
If someone ever ask me, "Which is the worst day of your life? ".
I would say its the day you left me Bret. You left me for good on Monday morning. You clinged on for 4 days and you finally have to go. I know you held on for me and I thank you for that. You took it like a man and didn't make a single cry from the torture. For 3 nights I stayed by your limp body crying, knowing that you're gonna leave me but at the same time I was hoping you could stay. The family was with you when you left but it was too much for all to take. Its all too much for ME to take. The struggle you made during the last mins of your life is deeply imprinted in my head. It was such pain at the moment that I begged and screamed for you to just go. I blamed God for not letting you leave peacefully, instead, you left in such torment. But maybe Mich is right, you couldn't let go too. You couldn't bear to leave us, but your time was up.
The house was especially cold and quiet after we left you for cremation.
I miss you Bret, I miss you very much. I miss hearing the clippings of your nails when you trottle around the house, I miss your snores for they have become my lullabies. I miss you resting your head on my lap. I miss the way you demand for food. I miss scratching and stroking you. I miss pillow fighting with you. I miss the angry sore loser you were. I miss looking at you using your paw as a cushion for your head. I miss looking at the way you walk, I miss you sneaking onto my bed, I miss you snuggling up next to me & I certainly miss your barks. I love your cool attitude, responding to our calls only when you feel like it. I miss the way you jump up from your sleep looking for us when the TV is turned off and you know its time for bed in the room. You would only step into the room when the aircon is turned on. I miss hugging you. I miss your complaints at the door for leaving you alone in the house. I miss your different expressions. I miss your smell. Every spot of the house has a trace of you. But all these went away with you. I no longer own any of them......
I was able to conquer my fear for darkness when I was a young gal simply because I know that you were jus next to me. Thank you Bret. Thank you for the wonderful 13 years. Thank you for all the joy you brought to me, the joy to the Seah-s. No one else can do a better job. As I promise you, I will be fine and you will always be in my heart. But for the moment, please let me bend the rules a little. As every thought of you comes with tears.
It really breaks my heart to see & touch your stiff lifeless body. I can never forget the way you died but theres so much good memories to remember you by as well.
So, Goodbye Bret. Farewell my boy. Make your way to Heaven and enjoy your new journey.
If theres ever a next life, I'll see you then.
I Love You Darling. You wll always be in my heart.
Goodbye Bret. Goodybye...
Dedicated to:
I would say its the day you left me Bret. You left me for good on Monday morning. You clinged on for 4 days and you finally have to go. I know you held on for me and I thank you for that. You took it like a man and didn't make a single cry from the torture. For 3 nights I stayed by your limp body crying, knowing that you're gonna leave me but at the same time I was hoping you could stay. The family was with you when you left but it was too much for all to take. Its all too much for ME to take. The struggle you made during the last mins of your life is deeply imprinted in my head. It was such pain at the moment that I begged and screamed for you to just go. I blamed God for not letting you leave peacefully, instead, you left in such torment. But maybe Mich is right, you couldn't let go too. You couldn't bear to leave us, but your time was up.
The house was especially cold and quiet after we left you for cremation.
I miss you Bret, I miss you very much. I miss hearing the clippings of your nails when you trottle around the house, I miss your snores for they have become my lullabies. I miss you resting your head on my lap. I miss the way you demand for food. I miss scratching and stroking you. I miss pillow fighting with you. I miss the angry sore loser you were. I miss looking at you using your paw as a cushion for your head. I miss looking at the way you walk, I miss you sneaking onto my bed, I miss you snuggling up next to me & I certainly miss your barks. I love your cool attitude, responding to our calls only when you feel like it. I miss the way you jump up from your sleep looking for us when the TV is turned off and you know its time for bed in the room. You would only step into the room when the aircon is turned on. I miss hugging you. I miss your complaints at the door for leaving you alone in the house. I miss your different expressions. I miss your smell. Every spot of the house has a trace of you. But all these went away with you. I no longer own any of them......
I was able to conquer my fear for darkness when I was a young gal simply because I know that you were jus next to me. Thank you Bret. Thank you for the wonderful 13 years. Thank you for all the joy you brought to me, the joy to the Seah-s. No one else can do a better job. As I promise you, I will be fine and you will always be in my heart. But for the moment, please let me bend the rules a little. As every thought of you comes with tears.
It really breaks my heart to see & touch your stiff lifeless body. I can never forget the way you died but theres so much good memories to remember you by as well.
So, Goodbye Bret. Farewell my boy. Make your way to Heaven and enjoy your new journey.
If theres ever a next life, I'll see you then.
I Love You Darling. You wll always be in my heart.
Goodbye Bret. Goodybye...
Dedicated to:
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