1) Own a Chio Face (Pretty Face)
- If you have this, which is the most important thing in the list. No matter how many dumb mistakes you make, how un-contributive you are and how people hate you. Just an innocent look and a few blinks of the eyes, its NEVER your fault. Really... Someone else will have to take your blame.
2) Be His "Kah Gia" (Spy)
- Update him with all the situations, actions and gossips on every single living thing in the office. Make stories up to make yourself look good or make others seem worse. Inform him of anyone who bad-mouth about him. [Watch your tongue people!]
3) Carry His Balls (Unless he doesn't have any)
- This is to prevent them from falling. Ah... haha.. Crap. Polish them as much as you can, if he doesn't have any, make him feel like he has them on. "Boss, you're so smart!", "Boss, you look good in those sunglasses!", "Sir, your house so nice and big!", "GM ah..., " OOps! Did I say... the "G" word?
4) Be a YES SIR Man/Woman
- No matter how stupid, how illogical his theory or suggestions can be just say, "Yes Boss!", "Yes Sir!". And SMILE people SMILE.
5) Take Other People's Credit
- Someone does you a favour, does a good job. CLAIM that you did it! Even if you didn't report it as yours, but Boss assumes you did a great job, keep quiet..... Sssh.... Let the good souls suffer in silence.... Ssssh... [For kind souls die first.]
6) Be a Smart Alec
- Come up with all sorts of ideas. Those that he never seen or heard off, and impress him. For HE, will be mesmerized. The more unnecessary or troublesome it is, the more he'll be impressed.
7) Look Busy
- IF you have things to do, announce to the whole world. Run here and there with documents. Tell the whole office what you're busy with and how much headaches its been giving you!
8) Always Be A Victim
- When theres conflicts or trouble, stretch out your warm hands, look innocent. Then go around sutlely telling your colleagues why you are cleaning up other people's shit. You're kind enough to help out but it made you so busy. It's not your job..... Do a Big Sigh and walk away slowly after you finish your whinings. Remember to look very disturbed and troubled.
9) Pretend to be the Mediator
- Whenever theres a conflict, try to dig up as much as you can. Then pretend to settle the problem by talking to both parties. But actually... Stir up more trouble!! Its your main goal.
10) Have a wide network
- The most crucial protection gear. You know so many people, so many officers that your boss wouldn't have the guts to touch you. He may hate you but he can't touch you. Because, you bring in the business. People will scream if you leave. With this, you can scream at people, express your displeasure immediately to him if theres anyone you're unhappy with. The whole office can hate you, but they can't do anything TO you.
11) Be a Tongue - Wagger
- Finally, the most lethal weapon. Be it True or False. Be it a Fact or an Assumption. Just spread the news baby! Watch, as people slash at one another. Listen, as the news spreads to the Boss's ears. Because, being the Boss's spy, he'll approach you when he gets any wind of anything. You'll be called in.
If you don't posses any of the abilities/assets above.
Leave your job.
Like me! :D
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